independence

independence. whenever anyone says that i'm reminded of america. but right now i'm not talking about america. i'm talking about me. yes, me. this might be shaping up to be sort of a long rant but i'm not sure yet we'll see.

recently, i've been dating this really great guy, travis. we've been dating since august or so and he does make me happy so i'm not complaining. so yesterday i was out with travis on a date at adventure cove, and i posted a pic on insta. then in my whatsapp group, hazique, a mutual friend of ours told me that chun teng was better than travis. honestly that kind of pissed me off because i didn't feel that he had the right to tell me who to choose to date but i digress. then travis jokingly made an audio note (that if it's in a comic strip would be made entirely of @$?#&@*#) sounding like an ah beng trying to pick a fight. suddenly the whole wa group went ape shit crazy.

Joel Tan: Angry leh

Vulgar leh

Jun Hao: is he like trying to pick a fight

Ask him f off 

Knn

Trying his best to be beng

Hazique: wow much fierce

at this point, i thought they were playing along and pretending to be angry too. after all, i didn't see any reason for them to be pissed off, as the audio note was in reply to hazique's comment. if someone said something in a group chat, it would be weird to reply them in a private message right. so i laughed it off with the laughter emoji. seems it wasn't what i thought after all.

Trevy: Ask him fuck off

He got problem?

Jun Hao: Its not that funny when he got this attitude 

Trevy: Fuck he got problem 

Come find me la

SMLJ

Me: eh guys chill lol why so jidong

Trevy: Chill?

You shut the fuck up also 

Chun Teng: Wait

I in game

Trevy: Ask him got problem bring it

Cb don't audio msg

Chun Teng: Game more impt then some guy who wants to pick fight with a group of 10 other random ppl

Abam: Lol fucking childish

Trevy: Funny?

Fuck

Kick this bitch away from this group la

See Kiat: Portia control your dog don't let him bark thanks

not wanting the undignified exit of a kick, i left the group to let them simmer down. chun teng then messages me, telling me the guys are really, really angry.and i was fucking confused. he told me to go back to the group to explain, and i got added back. of course, i was feeling slightly defensive, as i knew i had done no wrong, and so i said

Me: so y'all overreact enough alr?

it's just a fucking joke can calm your tits?

angry for fuck

*silence*

lol all don't want talk?

Chun Teng: Fucking hell

Some nabei chibai we dont even fucking know

Hazique: ya guys omg

just calm down 

Chun Teng: Suddenly come into this group and challenge us?

Hazique: RELAX LOL

Me: ah angry

Chun Teng: YOU WANT TO FUCKING COME AND CHALLENGE US?

Hazique: omg 

everybody

Jun Hao: Eh just kick

Hazique: calm your fucking asses omg please

Chun Teng: YOU ONE PERSON COME AND ATTITUDE A GROUP OF 10 PLUS OTHER PEOPLE?

Hazique: just chill lol

and then i get unceremoniously kicked out. at that point of time, i was starting to get kind of pissed.

chun teng then comes and texts me again.

Chun Teng: Tbh I don't care about the guy saying vulgarities ... I'm just shock that instead of saying sorry she say why we can't fking take a joke

-kerry

Me: I don't understand why they're offended?? it was a joke??? they're the ones overreacting and the ones insulting me as a result

I honestly don't feel that I'm to apologize

Chun Teng: Thats why

You never want to apologise

Everyone expected you to come back and say sorry

Instead you come back and scold us for overeacting

Everyone keeping quiet waiting for your apology

Me: wowe so y'all added me back for an apology so y'all can feel good about yourselves for getting pissed off for no reason? that's complete bullshit

it was a fucking joke omg

We never expected any of y'all to take it seriously

Chun Teng: How long have you known travis?

How long have you been with A7BB?

Me: no the point is I don't fucking understand why y'all overreacted so much. yes a7bb is important to me, but if I can't understand the mentality of you guys, i don't see a reason not to side with others

Chun Teng: The mentality is

Everyone in A7BB knows you like guys

Then suddenly one of those guys come in to A7BB

Decide to challenge me vs him

Then they decide to support me

first off, i don't fucking understand this bullshit. the audio was to hazique, not the group. why the fuck did everyone take offence?? i thought these people were my friends. i thought they were cool enough to take a joke. obviously not? and suddenly i get called a bitch, and my friend gets called a dog. what the fuck did we ever do to you?

but the main point of this post, is what ct said at the end - Then they decide to support me

why does everyone support ct and why??? To answer this bullshit, we need to go back all the way to good ol' sec 3. what was the biggest ship of that time? chuntia, though we were never together - he's my best friend. this complete farce of a ship has practically turned me and ct into an inseparable One (not by choice). when poly came, i was fucking overjoyed. i could finally make my own identity that's NOT "ct's girl" (of which i never was in the first place). i could date guys who didn't see me as someone's that's ct's. they treated me as an actual person - myself. whereas with a7bb, they seem to be firmly stuck back in 2013 and i was never treated as a separate person. no i was just ct's girl who was always there doing things in the background and just a convenient person to insult. i never mattered. the moment another person with any semblance of a claim to me appeared, the "bro code" activated. take offence at everything because this is the guy stealing my bro's things.

first of fucking all, people need to stop thinking that. i am not anyone's girl. i do not follow anyone. i am my own person so here's a big fuck you. i am perfectly entitled to date anyone i want, and that does not mean u can insult people just because you don't like his existence in my life.

i feel like, ever since end sec 3, i've never been treated as my own person. ct and i were always taken as a unit, or rather, i'm the add on to ct. if i wasn't, i was just a nobody. i didn't matter. guess what shit that did for my self esteem. so right now, i am fucking pissed.

like beyond pissed.

honestly i feel that if you can't take me and my choices, and esp my choice to be independent and be my own person, then i might be better off not having friends like you. also, i honestly feel, i'm too good to be saddled with ct. he may be great bro, but in every other respect he fails miserably. i don't deserve this standard, i can do so much better. but what do when no one gives a shit about how you feel?

sorry if it doesn't make sense it's typed at 5 in the morning while i'm really hungry and bloody exhausted from a great day out (that ultimately went sour), but typing this shit out after 3am skype with my bae mel kinda helped me feel better i guess so goodnight i'm off to bed as the sun rises.